I get a lot of email. I get a lot of boring email (”let me explain the situation”), my inbox seems to attract daunting email (5-page calls to action), I regularly acquire worthless email (”improve your manhood by 4 inches!”), and I receive a fair amount of depressing email (generally bills). With all these unfortunate email types crowding my inbox, there isn’t much room for fun emails, or entertaining emails, or my favourite of all time, witty emails.

Do not confuse a witty email with a funny email, or with an interesting and engaging email, for the witty email exists in a world of its own. An email filled with wit exemplifies intelligence, humour, ease of life, and either endearing curmudgeonry or a level of sardonic skepticism I can entertain. A witty email contains no pictures and no links and does not begin with the characters “Fwd:” but nonetheless makes you stifle your laughter so as not to disturb your neighbours as you peruse the email text for every last morsel worth chuckling over. A witty email is something you show a good friend because it was too witty to keep to yourself. That’s a good witty email.

I doubt I’d like witty email senders if I didn’t already enjoy witty conversationalists, but I have so much more respect for ye who pens a cheeky email for a few reasons.

ONE it’s casually pithy, which says to me “I’m funny enough to be witty in passing” and I immediately want to make a coffee date with someone who is consistently comic enough to be free with their wit.

TWO a witty email instantly proves the sender has the long sought-after characteristic of banterability and a top-notch sense of humour, which also tells me they are an awesome human being. Don’t you wish every time you sent an email the recipient decided you were cool instead of micro-managing, or irritating, or even heart-felt?

THREE making someone laugh in person with a good story is one thing, but making comedy translate without intonation, gestures, or context is a much more difficult task. Someone who successfully writes a witty email is not only smart enough to use language so fitting it cannot be misconstrued, but is also truly and at their core witty. They are not just a witty presenter of information, but a witty synthesiser. And I have a lot of respect for witty synethesis.

FOUR a witty email is a tiny reminder that things can and sometimes do shake down right. Sometimes our fellows say the perfect thing at the optimal time, and hearing a refined funnybone on the other end of the line can be a highly reassuring thing that is as rare as it is rewarding.

FIVE a witty email is refreshing. It’s smart, it’s funny, it’s good. I don’t know about you, but amidst all that spam, items I now have to add to my calendar or to-do list, and endless chains of replies to a mass email, it’s nice to find something succinct, perfectly timed, and…well…witty.

Related Things I Hate: email forwards that make ridiculous requests such as, “email this to 14 people or…”