I talked about my troubles with Japanese class a while back, when I was debating whether to continue with formal instruction because it was drop-dead boring. I never made it to my fourth class, instead I combed iTunes for Japanese language music and updated my Netflix queue to only include Japanese movies. I am so glad I stopped going.

Now that’s not to say that we don’t all need a little help now and again, or to suggest that classroom learning can’t be fun, but for me, rote textbook memorisation wasn’t enough. I’m still a beginner in Japanese, but in the few months since I beefed up my own studies, I’ve learned absolutely loads about how to make leaps and bounds in a language most of my mates still find baffling. The biggest question is the how. How do you start from scratch, how do you make significant progress when you’re facing linguistic Mount Everest? What do you need to do to get a foothold stable enough to build some momentum? I thought I might share some of my language learning best practices so that you too might find a way to conquer that intimidating foreign tongue.

1. Stop with the pretense
If you’re waiting until you learn X to do Y, or if you think you can’t do THIS because of THAT, you are constantly shooting yourself in the foot. It’s stupidly easy to put off things or to create qualifiers or to feed your energy to the wrong thing. I struggled with this quite a bit when I started my vlog but I can’t tell you how glad I am I made it over the pretenses I had put up to keep me from doing what I wanted to do. Having trouble quieting the lizard brain? Do what I did with vlog 1, make it bad on purpose. Not hard, but bad. Do it badly. Make it suck. Then the worst has happened and you can get on with the learning. You can put the pretense aside and start doing. Don’t wait until you know all the kanji to try and read manga. Don’t tell me you can’t speak Japanese because adult brains harden after a certain age. Don’t believe it’ll take years to become fluent. Don’t think there’s no good music. There is no reason in the world you cannot learn Japanese. No. Reason. Whatsoever. So stop with the pretense. Remember, it’s never a good time so you might as well get cracking.

2. There is no excuse for illiteracy
First of all, millions of people can read Japanese well enough, and millions more know triple the number of characters you have to know (Chinese has significantly more hanzi than Japanese has kanji). Second of all, the writing system is the best way to communicate in the language. Especially kanji, because drawing the kanji of a concept you don’t know how to say let alone pronounce it will get you much farther than any kind of gesturing, pantomiming, or poorly pronounced vocabulary ever will. Learn all three alphabets as you’re learning to speak. If you’re a Japanese school child, you’re surrounded by the writing every day of your life. You can ask your parents questions. You have to read it every waking hour of your school day. You would be laughed at for not knowing it. You are not a Japanese school child, so you need to learn hiragana and katakana immediately if not sooner. As for kanji, same thing goes. Japanese school children learn less than 200 characters a year until they graduate. Not you. You’re going to learn much faster because, unlike Japanese school children, you are not confronted by hundreds of characters every day. You can live your life happily without ever setting eyes on a single character. So you are going to have to shove kanji down your throat. Make it easier however you need to: by making up mnemonic stories, using pictographs, reading that textbook that uses examples from manga, using the Heisig method, eating an m&m for every kanji you get right, it doesn’t matter, just do what you have to do. I’ve learned more kanji in three months than my intermediate-level Japanese college buddies did in 3 years and as a result I can read what feels like 13 times the street signs, maps, and menus they can.

3. No, マジ(for real), learn the kanji.**
It’s intimidating I know, but far from impossible. Here’s how you do it: 1) ignore the way the Japanese government/most schools present it. You have to separate out your writing learning from your reading learning. Learn more kanji than you learn Japanese. In other words, learn the meanings of kanji you don’t even know the Japanese word for yet (e.g., learn 専門 means specialty even though you don’t yet know it’s pronounced せんもん and is translated as major/area of study). Learn the characters and stroke order along with their English meanings first (stroke order is important otherwise you can’t look them up). Then learn their readings and radicals and all that jazz. As you learn more about the spoken language, you’ll have a better chance at discerning when they’re used and how to pronounce them (which changes based on context) than you would by straight up drilling. 2) When you learn a Japanese word, learn it all at once. When you encounter a new word or phrase, learn how to say it, what it means, and how it’s written with kanji otherwise you’ll drive yourself mad trying to unlearn stuff later. Plus you’ll be literate a hell of a lot faster.

4. Pimp the vocab, drop the grammar
This was a most valuable lesson taught to me by Benny Lewis. When you are at square one and you know nothing, the most important thing you need to do is pimp your vocab. Beef it up. Cram it into your head. Learn everything in your basic phrasebook. Do not start with the first pages of a textbook. Textbooks like to teach you the most basic grammar and the most formal vocab. In Japanese they seem to start with “to be” structures, introductions and asking people what school they go to and how old they are. Besides being dry and dull, I find it harder to start with grammar. Too much is unfamiliar. And you still can’t talk about anything because you don’t know the words “I” “know” or “nothing.” So forget about grammar. You’ll learn it intuitively and remember it much better after you realise that “の” seems to denote possession than if someone had told you outright. The point of a language is not to write copy-perfect paragraphs. The point is to communicate, and what you need is to develop a base of vocabulary from which to communicate. Back when I was in Kyoto and knew zero Japanese, I could still ask someone where they were from by pointing and saying “anata” and then looking inquisitive. I didn’t have to know that -ka signifies a question, or that anata is understood, and when it isn’t must be followed by +wa, no screw all that. Now that I know enough vocabulary to order in a restaurant, I know I should have said “doko kara kimashta ka” or “watashi wa vegitarian des.” But you can bet I knew how to say “niku” (meat) and shake my head before I knew the rest of it. So don’t stress about grammar until you have a shedload more vocabulary in your arsenal first.

5. Avoid translations
Eschew anything with romaji. It will just make it harder for you. Don’t watch anime or movies with the subtitles on. Subtitles do a great job of making you focus on the story but a terrible job of making you concentrate on the language. Story is incidental. It’s the honey that makes greek yoghurt taste better. Watching subtitles is not eating yoghurt at all, thus not improving your Japanese. And like taking straight shots of honey, just focusing on the story is addictive but ultimately leaves you hungry and is not the best way to go about snacking. If you’re really fighting to read よつばと but can’t seem to get it right, the moment you turn to the English translation is the moment you have no reason to keep struggling. It’s basic logic. We’re hardwired to take the path of least resistance. So don’t offer yourself that option. Instead keep at the hard stuff and you’ll progress faster overall, despite how painfully slow your progress through a single page may be.

6. Be a tortoise, not a hare
Okay, this one I stole from Khatzumoto, but I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if it isn’t true. Sure your rate of improvement is directly proportional to how much time you but in, but it isn’t like filling a coin jar. Whether you put in two quarters every day or 60 quarters at the end of the month does matter. It’s like eating. Your body probably wants around 2,000 calories per day, and we tend to spread them around the the waking hours. If you eat 10,000 calories for breakfast on Monday, you may skip some meals but you will be hungry long before Friday rolls around. You haven’t thwarted the eating system by filling your coin jar for the month, you’ve gained weight and probably messed up your metabolism. Just like your body is good at processing calories, even excess ones, it’s really good at forgetting stuff that isn’t constantly reinforced. If you want to eat properly, you have to eat three meals a day every day, and if you want to learn Japanese you have to practice regularly and routinely. Read more about why tortoises are much better than hares over at Khatzumoto’s site.

7. Start with filler words
If we’re talking about basics in any language, I might add that one area you won’t be able to navigate by feel is the filler words. The particles, subject markers, indefinite articles and other such nonsense that appears a ton but seems to have no meaning. So if you only read up on one thing, read up on the particles and what they mean. Learn the conjunction words. Learn words like “anything” or “something” or “nothing.” More importantly learn your Ws (what, where, why, who, how, etc.) and your Ts (there, that, this, those, these, the others, etc.). Luckily you won’t have to learn possessives in Japanese but if your target language requires them, learn them too. Learn the prepositions. Learn how to stall in your language. How do you say “er…so…well…that’s right…” and the like? Having these filler words will not only make your Japanese sound more native and smoother, but will help you pick out new vocabulary amidst the words you don’t know. You can tell when わ is は and other semi confusing bits of grammar you are going to ignore until you’ve learned more vocab.

8. Practice numbers early
This is especially true with Japanese, where the word for three when talking about people is different than the word for three when talking about pieces of paper. Numbers are incredibly important. Can you image not being able to tell time? Not being able to write down a phone number? The problem with numbers is that you have to know them backwards and forwards, in other words so thoroughly that it appears intuitive to be able to use them. Just knowing how to count to 100 isn’t enough. Get really insanely good at dealing with numbers sooner rather than later. You’ll need the help, and if you get good at spouting off and picking up numbers you’ll be one whole huge step more functional. It will take much practice, so get started now with your numbers, and you can thank me by sending a 三百(さんびゃく) euro check to me later.

**I hear “but kanji is sooooo hard!” all the time and it drives me crazy. It’s one of my pet peeves when people claim writing systems are too difficult. I don’t care how difficult (or more accurately, different) they are, being illiterate but fluent is a travesty. Especially you expats, if you’re living somewhere for goodness sake take a few months to learn the language of the country you’re in. If you don’t know to read it, you don’t know the language.